How To Deepen Your Friendship with Your Partner
When my partner and I first started dating, we'd try and get to know one another better by asking each other questions. We’d write each other emails and letters and come up with things to ask and then respond to the emails by answering the questions and then coming up with new questions for the other person. It was a great way to build our friendship. We learned a lot about one another and as a result, we grew closer!
And while it's easy to imagine that these "get to know you" questions and conversations go away once you've been together for a while, have kids, etc., we recently discovered that getting to know your partner doesn't have to end even though you've grown past the initial stages of your relationship! As a matter of fact, it can be very fun and enlightening to revisit those questions (or come up with new ones too!) now that your relationship has seen many changes!
Something we found very helpful and easy to use (not to mention FREE!) are the Gottman Card Decks. We both downloaded the decks (you can find them on the app store) a while ago and they were just sitting on our phones. Leave it to quarantine life to force us to come up with creative things to do while staying in together. We finally gave the cards a try and it was a great time of getting to know one another again.
There are different card categories such as "Love Maps" and "Rituals of Connection" each featuring questions that are similar in subject matter and tone. For example, a "Love Map" question might ask you about your partner's best friends or what their favorite foods are. There are open ended questions too, like, "Where do you see yourself in five years." There are also activity-based cards such as planning a future vacation together. There are also cards that are centered on spicing things up, and with different subcategories of mild, medium, and hot!
The Gottman Cards have been a great way to have little dates in our own home during times when date night out is not really an option. It's been interesting to be able to see where and how we've grown as individuals as well as a couple. And while there is the occasional card where the response is, "Oh, we already know that one very well," there's enough variety in the questions that most of our conversations are fun and carry depth!
During these unprecedented times, it can be very easy to live with each other 24/7 and still not really "be with" one another. Being able to sit down together for a moment to engage with one another is a great way to nurture your relationship. Grab a cup of coffee, sit down, and have some fun getting to know your love all over again!
You might also like…
“What Are Signs Your Relationship Is in Trouble?”
“How to Connect with Your Partner in One Minute, Five Minutes, or An Hour”
Writer Bio: Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY25708) in the Los Angeles area. She has dedicated her career towards helping couples develop more joy and connection in their relationships. She is based in Torrance, CA and sees clients throughout California via secure online therapy platforms.