Why consider premarital therapy?
It’s when things are going well that we least seek out help. This can be true of relationships too. Imagine just having been engaged. You’re probably feeling excited, in love, and very much optimistic about the future. Most likely, the thought of couple therapy won’t cross your mind much, but it can be a great thing to consider. After all, it isn’t just for couples who are struggle, and can be of benefit for those who are doing great. Here are just a few ways that couple therapy can benefit a newly engaged couple.
1. You can learn to communicate better.
Through premarital counseling, you can learn effective communication skills such as the speaker-listener skill. While practicing the speaker listener skills, the speaker is focused on the speaker’s own perspective. The speaker keeps what he/she/they wants to share brief so that the listener can follow. How often do you find yourself preparing for a rebuttal when your partner is talking? The listener’s role is to really listen as the speaker is talking, then, reflect back, or paraphrase in his/her/their own words what the speaker communicated. Finally, it is important at the two of you take turns sharing “the floor” or being the speaker.
2. You can learn to fight better.
All couples have conflicts in their relationships from time to time. How the conflicts are handled and resolved greatly influence the quality of the relationship. While it is good to learn effective ways of talking to one another, there are times when it is not a good idea to discuss issues. For example, if either one of you are feeling strong emotions that may make it difficult to talk calmly, taking a “time out” might be recommended. Taking a “time out” sounds simple enough, but there are actually some nuances that sometimes couples miss. For example, how will you signal to your partner when you need a “time out?” How long will the “time out” last and what will each of you do during the “time out” to help you cool down? Finally, how will the two of you reconnect and resume your conversations after the “time out?”
3. Get to know each other on a deeper level.
Being engaged is such a special time in your relationship. While there may be a lot of wedding planning activities to attend to, it is also important to really use this time to nurture and deepen your relationship. You can use premarital counseling to help you understand each other on a deeper level. Really get to know each other’s values and worldviews. What are the values you share and where do you differ? If you see potential conflicts that may come up from differences you have, you can talk about how you want to handle these concerns. Be curious and open in this process. Also have fun thinking about the core values you want to uphold together as a couple or family. Dream about your future together.
If you would like more ideas on ways to nurture and protect your relationship, I recommend “Fighting for Your Marriage” by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg.
You might also like…
“How to Keep Your Relationship Strong while Planning for a Wedding”
“How to Avoid Big-Time Fights: 8 Tips for Successful “Time-Outs”
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Writer Bio: Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY25708) in the South Bay Los Angeles area. She has dedicated her career towards helping couples develop more joy and connection in their relationships. She sees premarital couples throughout California via secure online therapy platforms.
Revised on 02/02/2022