How Talking About Money Can Help Your Relationship
Why does talking about money matter?
Talking openly about money with your partner, if done well, can help draw you closer to one another. Money is often seen as a taboo topic that can be tricky and sensitive to discuss. Yet, these conversations are so important because money intersects with issues of power, security, and personal values. When couples avoid conversations about money, they may inadvertently foster misunderstanding, resentment, stress, or anxiety, which can erode trust, connection, and intimacy over time.
Having a safe space for each partner to express concerns, values, and preferences can foster empathy and understanding. By addressing financial matters directly, partners can establish a foundation of transparency and mutual respect. Open and honest dialogues about finances also allow partners to align their expectations. Couples can set mutual goals, create realistic budgets, and make informed decisions that reflect their shared vision for the future. In essence, talking about money is not just about dollars and cents; it's about ensuring that both partners feel heard, valued, and united in their financial journey together.
What should we talk about?
Here are some key questions to consider discussing with your partner to help you deepen your understanding of one another and work towards shared goals:
1. What was your parents’ relationship with money like?
2. How was money discussed in your family growing up?
3. What was your own experience with money like when you were younger?
4. What are your short-term and long-term financial goals?
5. How do you prioritize how you spend money?
6. How do you view debt and what is your comfort level with it?
7. What are your beliefs about saving? Investing?
8. What role do you see each of us playing in managing our finances?
9. How can I best support you towards your/ our financial goals?
10. How would you handle a financial emergency or unexpected expense?
But it seems stressful!
While it can be tough to talk about money, avoiding the topic isn’t the way to go. One way to make these conversations less daunting with your partner may be to plan for a relaxing evening where you can discuss your financial goals over a nice meal. By creating a comfortable atmosphere, the discussion hopefully becomes less stress-filled and more about envisioning your future together. Allow yourselves to dream big and get creative about your plans. Perhaps you can brainstorm ideas for a future business venture, a dream vacation, or your ideal retirement life. While it is important to navigate any current concerns about money, having a forward-thinking mindset can reinforce the idea of building a future together and not just balancing the budget.
How often should we have these talks?
I recommend regularly revisiting your financial conversations to adapt to life’s changes. Financial situations, goals, and priorities can shift over time due to changes in income, career moves, or unexpected life events like starting a family or caring for aging parents. By scheduling regular check-ins, e.g., monthly or quarterly, you can ensure your goals remain aligned and adjust your financial strategies as needed.
How can therapy help?
If you are finding yourselves avoiding or getting stuck when you try to have these conversations, you may consider whether seeing a couples therapist can help you navigate your communication better. Financial conflicts may be rooted in deeper emotional issues. For instance, anxiety about financial security might manifest as a partner's need to constantly save or control spending, leading to friction if the other partner is more relaxed about finances. A clinical psychologist can help you uncover and address these underlying issues and help you learn how to navigate difficult conversations in a way that brings you closer to one another. If you live in California and are interested in couples therapy, please reach out to me today for a free consultation.
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Writer Bio: Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY25708) who specializes in helping couples navigate conversations about potentially difficult topics like money. She sees clients throughout the state of California via secure online therapy platforms. If you are wanting some support in how better to communicate about finances with your partner, you can reach out to her for a complimentary consultation.