How to Develop More Work Life Balance
Many of us struggle to find that ever-elusive work life balance. “Struggle” being the operative word here. Whether it’s due to rising responsibilities at work or at home, or for many of us, both, (the Pew research center surveyed working parents and found that about a quarter of their respondents said that being both a parent and a professional hindered their ability to be one or the other), or perhaps an outdated and harmful notion of praising workers for grinding themselves to the bone, (in another, 2019 survey, half of Americans polled stated that they felt that they were always multitasking with 60% of Americans saying that they sometimes were too busy to find enjoyment out of life), we are all feeling the ill effects of trying to juggle all the plates while maintaining our sanity (Forbes looked at a 2019 study that analyzed 185 million hours of work time and found that among other things, that we are as a country, burnt out, less productive, and that our relationships are suffering).
And with many Americans working remotely (roughly a quarter of us worked online from home this past year), the quest to find that balance may even get harder. Once the boundaries of home and office get blurred and the two worlds start bleeding into one another, the average workday has been reported as lasting almost an hour longer, with workers going to about 13% more meetings, and attending to one and a half emails more than when they were physically at the office.
So what to do? How do we manage when seemingly there’s already too many holes to plug and more and more pop up? How can we achieve what so many want, but so few of us are able to get? Apparently, it’s not achievable. At least not in the sense that many of us think of in terms of “achievements.” Researchers from ESSEC business school in France and the University of Roehampton in the UK have argued that we should not view work-life balance as a one-time fix, but rather, a continuous cycle.
I wanted to take that idea and offer some practical steps that we take in order to help relieve some of the stress of conflicting obligations. These are easy to do and with a little practice, can become habits for a healthier, more balanced life.
1. Create Rituals for Starting and Ending Your Workday.
This can be especially helpful if you’re working from home. At home, we often lack the environmental cues telling us that an area or space is a workplace vs. a place for family/personal things. The two worlds combine and suddenly our bedroom is now our office; our dining table, our desk. Think about what you do when you get to your workspace. Do you hang up your coat? Turn on your computer? Maybe you go grab that cup of coffee in the lounge first? What about when you’re ready to call it a day? Maybe you log off of your computer and tidy your workspace, setting things up for tomorrow. When you get home, do you change out of professional attire and into something comfier? Little rituals like these will help reestablish boundaries that will help you cue your mind into “work mode” vs. “home mode.” If you are working remotely, coming up with simple rituals to help you “sign on” and “sign off” your day can be very helpful. You might even borrow from the things you would normally do when you “punch in and out” at the office. You might choose to keep your morning ritual of dressing up for work instead of staying in sweatpants. Or maybe you take a quick drive for a coffee run before coming back home to your home office.
Lost in working from home is also our commute, which while quite nice, can also lead to less time for transitions. These transitions though, are another helpful way of keeping boundaries that help with establishing balance. While at home, we don’t have that “car time” that can act not only as a physical transition, but a mental one as well. Again, you’ll want to create it for yourself at home. You might ride your stationary bike or go outside for a quick walk during the time you’d normally be commuting. You might even plug in those earbuds and listen to your favorite playlists or podcasts as you would on your drive over to the office.
2. Take a Real Lunch Break.
A recent poll indicated that half of Americans don’t feel they can take an actual break to enjoy lunch with thirty percent responding that they take lunch at their work desk. The cause? Too much to be done. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? This is something we’ve probably all done at least once, if not more. That looming deadline doesn’t care if your stomach’s growling; that project can’t wait another half hour or so. But this can be draining; both physically and mentally/emotionally. And it’s so easy to do too. But this can lead to a harmful habit and before you know it, you’ll be working through lunch more often than not. You’ll want to take this time and claim it so that it can be a real break from work. Prioritize actually taking lunch. Take some time to savor your food instead of letting that excel sheet distract you from it.
Aside from the nutritional piece, lunch breaks are also a great time to balance out the stress and rigors of the workday with some much needed socializing. Feed your mind and soul while you feed your body by connecting with friends and colleagues. There’s time enough to talk shop later in the meeting, let your mind decompress and talk instead about last night’s game or that latest binge worthy show you’ve been watching.
3. Take Mini Breaks.
If that lunch really is impossible, then perhaps taking mini, micro breaks is the way to go. If possible, avoid back-to-back meetings. Just as transition times in the car are helpful, mini transitions between tasks can also help as they allow for you to stop and take a breath. As a matter of fact, deep breathing exercises are a good, quick way to center yourself. It requires very little time and very little effort. Maybe you just need to get up, stretch those legs, and take a quick walk somewhere nearby before sitting down again for the next task.
4. Practice Mindfulness.
While the first three items on this list have you cycling in and out of work physically (and certainly mentally as well), this one leans more into the mental: mindfulness. Because so much of losing balance comes from blurry boundaries and feeling overwhelmed with too much and trying to do it all, the healthier opposite to that would be to work on attending to what you’re doing in the present moment, one thing at a time. Mindfully attending to tasks can help you find a sense of flow at work. Organizational psychologist Adam Grant lists mindfulness as being one of the key components of establishing flow. When we are actively engaged in our work, and our full attention is on the here and now of the what we’re doing, it helps establish boundaries that keep away distractions and can help with productivity.
5. Be Strategic.
One thing that can help with establishing mindfulness is to plan out and block out specific time for specific tasks/goals. You might feel most creative at a certain time and can devote that time to doing things requiring the right side of your brain. When are you at your best when it comes to analytical work? Is there a window that allows for you to focus on getting through that list of emails? If your work allows and you have the flexibility to dictate when you can do certain things, plotting out your day and then mindfully, purposefully setting out to do those things can be a great way to establish boundaries.
The difficulty with plans and being mindful in the moment though, is that you get interrupted by those pesky distractions that pop up as an inconvenient thought at the most inconvenient time. And how many of us find ourselves thinking of that birthday party that still needs planning at work while thinking of that upcoming presentation for work while at home? Something as easy as having a note file on your device or even on paper where you can easily jot these thoughts and to-do’s down will help you to acknowledge them quickly so you can stay focused on your current tasks. Writing things down will help you to externalize the thoughts. You won’t need to spend additional mental energy to try to remember these things. You can return to the things you wrote down at a later time to work on them.
6. Seek Out Your Support.
A great way to unwind, decompress, and connect with your partner is to talk about your days together. Not only will this draw you closer and be a healthy thing for your relationship, it can also help establish a boundary between work and home life. While you might be talking a lot about what happened at work, you’re not actually working. And whether you’re working from home or not, once the workday is over, make it a priority to connect with your loved ones. Be intentional about greeting one another (hugs and kisses are always nice); plan out and go on a date; play or engage with your children. Make it a time to unplug (literally – no devices mean no work emails) and unwind by turning towards each other.
Finally, and this can apply to all listed items, be flexible.
As researchers are finding language to put into, and as we already know through experience, the work/life balance is messy and perhaps never a perfect balance. The idea of cycling in and out of work and personal life is to be practiced in an ongoing manner and sometimes, there’ll be hiccups along the way. Practice self compassion. We won’t strike that balance all the time and that’s okay. But, with a little initiative, a little habit building (healthy habits), we can hopefully feel less burnt out, more productive, and more connected with those around us.
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“What to Do When You’re Over Stimulated and Can’t Get Away”
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Writer Bio: Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY25708) in the Los Angeles area. She has dedicated her career towards helping couples develop more joy and connection in their relationships. She sees clients throughout California via secure online therapy platforms.
Image Disclaimer: Stock photos used. Posed by models.