How to Tell Your Partner the Relationship is Moving Too Fast
It can be hard to tell your partner when you feel like the relationship is moving too fast because you might be afraid they might take that feedback negatively. Maybe you really like them and you don’t want to hurt their feelings, or you’re worried that they would feel you are not interested in them or feel rejected. Some people fear that by expressing this concern to their partner, they might risk losing the relationship altogether. While this is a difficult topic to bring up, strong relationships are built on trust, communication, and respect.
If you are thinking about letting your partner know things are moving too fast for you, these are some things that may help:
Remembering your intentions.
Knowing that strong relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual communication. Setting your intentions and goals can help anchor you as you plan for the conversation. Take a few moments to reflect and note what your hopes are for this conversation. Once you set the intention in your mind, you can write it down if that helps. Right before the conversation, you can also take a few deep breaths and remind yourself of your intentions.
Consider timing.
Think about discussing this topic with your partner when you are both feeling relatively calm and have some time to have a full discussion. It is likely not as helpful to bring topics like this up when either one of you is rushed, short on time, or feeling particularly stressed in that moment. And it goes without saying that the conversation probably won’t go well if you’re in the middle of a fight.
Be gentle with your feelings.
If you’re noticing any anxiety or difficult feelings in anticipation of this discussion, be kind and gentle with yourself. First, take some time to notice how you feel. Then, check in with yourself on whether you need to cultivate more soothing, peace, or calm for yourself. For example, you might consider confiding in a dear friend, journaling, or work on some breathing awareness exercises to help you get centered.
Be clear.
Being gentle, specific, and clear in your communication will likely help. While you can work towards saying things in a tactful way that may make it easier for your partner to hear, it is important that you don’t water down the message too much that the point gets lost. Be specific about what bothers you or what is moving too fast for you. Let your partner know how the current pace of the relationship is impacting you, and what you need. And be clear about what you need to feel more safe and comfortable in the relationship. You can also be clear about what you don’t mean; for example, “I really value this relationship and want to continue dating exclusively; I’m just not ready to move in together right now.”
While this may not be the easiest conversation to have and it may feel like any friction or hurt feelings caused by this tough talk is hurting your relationship, know that difficult conversations and vulnerability can actually build closeness. It can be difficult for a couple when one partner has their foot on the gas peddle while the other wants to pump the breaks a bit. Perhaps there is no way to prevent the possibility the other person might feel some hurt. Knowing and accepting this possibility is another important step in helping you approach this topic. Remember avoiding disagreements or conflicts in relationships is not necessarily healthy; being able to navigate disagreements with respect is a crucial part of healthy relationships.
If you are interested in counseling to help you navigate relationship concerns, please feel free to reach out to me for a free consultation. I can help you identify and explore your concerns and support you in finding your best path forward.
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Writer Bio: Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY25708) in the Los Angeles area. She has dedicated her career towards helping couples and individual adults develop more joy and connection in their relationships. She is based in Torrance, CA and sees clients throughout California via secure online therapy platforms.
Image Disclaimer: Stock photos used. Posed by models.