What to Do When You’re Over Stimulated and Can’t Get Away

Arguably the best thing to come from this pandemic has been the extra time we have all gotten to spend together with our family. Arguably the worst thing to come from this pandemic is the extra time we have gotten to spend together with our family.

If you are a highly sensitive person (HSP) like me, being around a particularly noisy family member (or members) can be quite the challenge. With quarantine in full effect these days, living with an especially noisy spouse, kid(s), or other family can feel like you're in a 24/7 combat zone.

Take my partner. I don't think I knew that he sneezed everyday, but ever since lockdown, I've come to learn that he does exactly that. Four times. All in a succession. And all four coming in an escalating violent ACHOOS. Without fail.

And that's just sneezing. Quarantining with family members means that we live with them for a literal twenty-four seven, which means we hear every single sound they make, and that can be quite an assault on our senses. Overstimulation is a constant reality in these times.

So what to do when there's no volume dial to turn everything down? No safe place to hide? No haven away from the cage of noise we find ourselves trapped in? You make one.

1.  Find Your Ivory Tower

I've recently quarantined within my quarantine. There's a small window of time that I have allowed (and my family agrees to) myself to escape from everyone and anyone, in my room. I'll crawl under the covers, turn on some soft music, and just breathe. It's really just ten minutes, but those ten minutes of getting to my little safe space makes a big difference.

It might be difficult, but zoning out a little nook in our own home for the very sake of escaping all the noise and stimulation is an important and much needed way of keeping our well-being. 

We take for granted that our homes are our space, but carving out our own space when it's also everyone else's shared space can be difficult. You'll need an understanding “quaranteam,” and if they aren't at first, you want to communicate your needs to them and help them understand. Being clear and specific will help with this. You might ask for a specific room for a specific time. If that's not possible, perhaps a particular area in a shared room will suffice.

2.  Family Quiet Time

I remember a family trip (pre-Covid) that was lovely, and that the entire family enjoyed, but the most memorable thing wasn’t the trip itself (I can’t even recall what we did or where we went -- just the pleasant feelings associated with that day), but what happened immediately after we got home.

All of us, without any specific nudging, guiding, or discussion, just naturally and on our own, went off to a corner of the house to do something quietly by ourselves. Even my partner, who is not a highly sensitive person, needed some space and time for himself. One of us took the couch in the living room, one of us took a bedroom, and one of us took the dining table. The house was silent. And that’s what caught my attention. I went to investigate (because usually, when it’s quiet, it’s too quiet) and saw my little one flipping through a book on her own and my partner reading something from his computer screen.

While that organic moment was wonderful, and I wish that it could happen magically like that more often, the reality of it is that it might be something that you need to sit down with your family and talk out. Create a plan. Is there a time of day that works best for everyone? Is there even a specific day that you all want to designate as “Quiet Day?” Of course it doesn’t have to be an entire day. Similar to isolating yourself away from everyone else, this can be a matter of just ten minutes or so (or longer or shorter -- that’s for you all to decide).

3.  Take A Drive, A Walk, or Just Sit Outside

Sometimes, it’s just going to be impossible to establish any kind of peace at home. When that happens, it might be nice to go take a drive by yourself. It doesn’t have to be a long one, and you don’t necessarily need a destination. You just drive. If gas and road rage are a problem, consider taking a walk. Heck, drive to a park or beach or somewhere public (and safe) where you can step outside. As a matter of fact, some of my favorite dates with my partner have been just driving to a park and not getting out of the car, but just talking and watching the world go by. Take yourself out, park under a nice tree, roll down the windows, and take in the air and peaceful rustling of the leaves.

Got too many things going on and can’t leave the house? Step outside for a second. I remember during the earlier months of the pandemic, my partner coming back inside from taking out the trash. He was excited, giddy even.

“What happened to you?” I asked.

“It’s so nice outside,” he said.

“But you only stepped out for like two minutes. And just to throw away the trash.”

 “Yeah!” He smiled. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

I resisted. I thought it was silly. I had work. Our yard isn’t even really a yard. But he convinced me and wow, what a difference two minutes just walking up and down our little patch was. The bright sun and the air were refreshing.

Maybe just sitting outside on the front stoop can work just as well. With very little going on these days, there’s not many places people will need to go. And so there will likely be very little happening in front of your residence. And that’s just the perfect setting for a nice quiet sit.

It’s very possible we all feel a little bit trapped these days. For the highly sensitive, that trapped feeling is compounded by being stuck in a constant cycle of overstimulation and a worsening of our moods, mental health, and/or physical health. Worse yet is that lending to all of these negative things might very well be the ones we love most, which might lead to more cranky exchanges and bickering.

But if we can get our family to work with us, to set some boundaries where there usually might not be, it is entirely possible to make our own little vacuums of peace right in the midst of the chaos and storm. With a little coordinating and a little communication, you can do it. And your central nervous system will thank you all the more for it.

If you find that the stressors of the pandemic are taking a toll on your well-being, please consider therapy to help you navigate this time. You can contact me for a free consultation.

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Writer Bio: Dr. Annie Hsueh, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist (PSY25708) in the Los Angeles area. She has dedicated her career towards helping couples and individual adults develop more joy and connection in their relationships. She is based in Torrance, CA and sees clients throughout California via secure online therapy platforms.

Image Disclaimer: Stock photos used. Posed by models.